jeans: american apparel
hat: gypsy warrior
I’ve had these photos for a while. Months. Just sitting in my laptop.
I’ve been a little scared to post them. There are so many up close portrait-like shots. Scary. The only full outfit ones I have are the ones seen above. So that leaves me with several very personal close-ups. It’s always nerve-wracking to post these, but I figured why not. Time to let go of the insecurities and just do it. I could stare at some of them for 30 seconds and find a million things wrong- things to fix. I have actually. I’ve deleted some from the post and rearranged the order. Never realizing that this is the same person (me) in each photo with the same face (mine). How different can they be? I might see some things I don’t like- but, hey that’s my face and no one else has one exactly like it so I think I’ll keep it the way it is. You should do the same.
Like many people, I’ve been fighting the battle of self-hate for a while now. I’m not writing this as a pity post. I’m writing this so that maybe someone who is fighting this same fight will see it. Maybe that someone is you.
We all grow up hearing those positive affirmations. “You are beYOUtiful.” “Everyone is perfect in their imperfections.” The list goes on. I might have fallen for those easily in elementary, but not now as a self-aware 22-year-old female. I know they are true, but I have always felt I am the exception. I know no one is perfect. Even my friends I see everyday who literally look physically perfect to me are not. They have their beautiful flaws. These things that make them the pretty humans they are. Yet still, they see things in the mirror I have never even noticed. Things they would literally have to point out a million times before I ever saw them. We do that to ourselves. We kill ourselves over these “flaws” that are the exact things that make us who we are. “There’s no one else exactly like you.” There’s another one. It’s 100% true, just like the first two. Believe them. If we all subscribed to the “world’s” idea of beauty, we still wouldn’t please everyone. We are all different with are own ideas of beauty. So why try to please anyone but yourself? Not even your (possibly non-existent) twin looks just like you. People ask me and my sister if we are twins. My own parents get us mixed up. We look like sisters yes, but we are so different. I wish I had my sister’s smile, but I don’t. What’s the point in going on about it? That’s her smile, not mine. My sister hates her nose, just like one of my friends. I have yet to see what is actually wrong with their noses. What’s the point in going on about it?
Even if you did change whatever it is you don’t like, you would probably just go on to find a new thing to worry about. That’s just the way we are. Humans. We are so smart, yet so very dumb. I used to think “the second I get clear skin, I will be fine.” A year later, I have much clearer skin. Now, I have moved on to my teeth. Dangerous, dangerous cycle.
My point is this: We see these things as flaws while everyone else sees them as characteristics that make up who we are. The freckles, the scars, the noses, the eyebrows, the ears are all who we are. If I put my sister’s smile on my face I wouldn’t be me anymore. Like I said before, that is her smile, not mine. It’s time to LET GO OF THE INSECURITIES that fight and fight at us each day. Figure out what they are. My ears. My teeth. My lips. Instead of staring in the mirror and trying to figure out how to change them, figure out how to love them. Love yourself. Your face, your hair, your teeth, your body, everything. STOP LISTENING TO THE WORLD. If you give in- the world wins.
Please do not waste another day trying to change the very things that make you who you are.
I like you the way you are right now.
More specifically, the way you are at 4:36 a.m. When you are asleep and drooling or looking a hot mess out on the town– wherever 4:36 a.m. leaves you. That you. And if you look your best at 4:36 a.m.- then you shouldn’t even be reading this post because you are not a human.
Please SHARE this post- you never know who might be out there thinking they are in the battle alone.
top: free people
skirt: forever 21
bra top: free people
New year, new you, new me, new resolutions, new plans, new dreams, new hopes… I hope you guys have all parted with 2014 peacefully and sailed into 2015 with bright eyes. I’m usually not a big fan of the New Year’s resolution thing. I tend to do my yearly resolutions on my birthday in July, but this year was different. I jumped on the new year train like never before. I haven’t quite set out a list of things I want to change or do like years before. Instead, I have decided to not let the big hopes I have for the year to come fade after a few weeks. I want the fire that I have burning for 2015 to burn until 2016 takes the stage. I encourage all of you guys to do that. We can hold eachother accountable of our resolutions and dreams throughout the year. Whatever you want to fix, create, change, or do… Now is the time.
r i g h t n o w .
So, what are some of these hopes you have for the year to come? Do you make resolutions?
It has rained here everyday of 2015 so far. I kinda love, kinda hate it. I love rainy days, but I am not a winter lover. So, cold rain can get old pretty quickly. Here’s to some sunshine and a quick start to spring in 2015.
sending good vibes and love to you in 2015
hat: urban outfitters
It’s only typical that it would be pouring down rain and nearly 60 degrees where I live on the eve of Christmas Eve. I kinda hate it. I kinda love it. Well, parts of it at least. I like the rain, but not on Christmas. I like the warm weather, but not when it is should be snowing. Just parts of it. That’s kinda how 2014 has gone. I liked parts of it. I hated other parts. Coming out of a year as breath-taking and beautiful as 2013, it was nearly impossible for this year to live up to anything more. There was not a thing about 2013 that I would have changed when I sat on the hospital couch on December 30, 2013, holding my brand new niece. While I didn’t receive any new nieces or a nephew (still no nephews for this auntie), I got to watch my two nieces grow. Those moments along with a million more have made 2014 a collection of smiles and cherished memories. But, there were tears to bear along the way. I lost a lot in 2014. There has been a lot of change in the aftermath of these hard losses. But, I find peace and understanding in knowing that I can smile again and make joy from the great memories I have with these people. What a blessing they have left me with for the rest of my life. Thankful, just thankful.
Thinking about the new year has me really excited this time around. I am not sure why because I usually am not that into “new year” things. I like to think of my birthday as a new year more, but hey 2015 where ya at? Hope you guys are spending time with family and friends for the holiday season. I wish we could share a cup of eggnog and gingerbread cookies via the internet, but I guess we will just have to pretend.
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! I am thankful for YOU reading this, right now.
I am already stoked for 2015. Can you tell?
cardigan: c/o Blue Vanilla
dress: Forever 21
socks: Free People
mood ring: Forever 21
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. So many things have happened, good and bad. But, the good news is that I am officially FINISHED with school this semester so let the blogging begin. I wanted to share with you one of my new favorite pieces. THIS CARDIGAN. It’s so soft. I’m wondering if I could contact Blue Vanilla for a blanket made out of the same material? This shop is full of even more amazing trends that I’m dying to add to my wardrobe. If you haven’t given them a look, do it. You won’t regret it.
This post is photo heavy today because my mind has been drained from all of the schoolwork I did yesterday. The downside of having all of your classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays is that all of your exams are likely going to be on a Tuesday or Thursday. So, Tuesday it was. I hope all of you guys are having a splendid start to the holiday season!
Throughout the past few weeks, I have been working on different posts to share with you guys. I am so BEYOND excited to post all of them on here for you guys to see. It’s been a blast; and I am genuinely proud of what I have created. Hope you guys will be to! Until then, I will leave you with these photos of me in the most perfect cardigan in the woods dreaming of blue vanilla.
I can’t wait to share all of the posts I have been working on with you!
top: free people
kimono: forever 21
skirt: forever 21
necklace: handmade by me
hat: urban outfitters
So, there are some pretty crazy daisies growing in my backyard right now. And to make things even daisy-er (definitely not proper grammar, but it sounds cool), I have a daisy skirt I’ve been dying to wear. All of these things add up to the floral explosion you are seeing in the photographs. I actually really love the way these photos turned out. What do you guys think?
Since my last post, a few things have happened. I turned 22, took a little vacay with one of my best friends, and finished up my internship at the television station I have been working at all summer. I got so much more out of all of these things than I could have imagined. To start, I planned a little birthday party full of paper lanterns and candles on the night before my actual birthday. All of my closest friends were able to come, which made it so much more than just cute decorations. I’m not going to lie I had been planning it for a few weeks because I am such a planner. I took a million photos and made a short film that I will put on here in the next few days. I’ve been overwhelmed editing all the photos because I did that thing where I take like 5,323 pictures of the same thing, you know how it goes. On to the next event on the list. I just returned from a beach trip with my best friend. We’ve known each other basically since the day she was born, so it is kind of strange to just call her a friend. We are sisters. Sisters who spent a week with three different families and six young children and had a blast. Since we were literally right next to each other for almost a solid week, we talked a lot and laughed a lot. She is always the best person to talk to when it comes to things that I might not want to share with anyone else. She’ll build you up when she doesn’t even realize it. So for that I am thankful for our lifelong
Side note: I’m writing this outside because daisies and it is gradually getting hotter even though my weather app tells me it is raining right now and a bird is watching me intently from his nearby branch looking like he is about to attack. Sorry for the run-on. Moving on.
This summer I had the honor of interning with the best news station in my area. I want to do a separate post on the entire experience, so for now I will keep it short and sweet. I had no idea what this journey would hold. I was scared to death going to work at first. Cool news reporters and producers are a little intimidating. But, it ended up being my haven. I was practically crying on my last day. When I applied for the internship, I didn’t think I would be chosen. And then it happened. So you never know what an opportunity holds. I almost never applied. The thought of not having this experience with me is unthinkable now. Never let the fear get you. The only thing that leads to is regret.
And that is all I have to say on this very hot and not rainy Saturday morning. I keep thinking it is Monday, like I almost typed Monday. But then, I was like “oh no, it’s Tuesday.” Maybe I should go back to sleep.
Or just go finish binge watching the new season of The Killing aka greatest show ever on Netflix.
mallory, the drifter
welcome to my haven. i am a 22-year-old gal who calls herself the drifter. i am currently at a university studying journalism & art. from style to music, here you will find everything that represents:
t h e
d r i f t e r